No Sleep Mommy: A Children's Book Parody

I'm at it again with the children's book parodies because they're pretty rad. It's a spontaneous writing adventure and you never know what you're going to end up with. This time I'm doing a parody of the classic children's book Goodnight Moon, written by Margaret Wise Brown. Only this one is titled No Sleep Mommy.

In the great big bed
There was a husband 

And a miniature human
And no room for -

Mommy to get some goddamn sleep

And there were fists flailing and feet trampling my spine

And two GI Joes 

And a couple of assholes

And a little tyrant 

And a nervous breakdown rising from my core

And a snore and a fart and a puddle of drool

And me clinging to the mattress, trying to keep from being bucked off

Goodbye sanity

Goodbye Tom Hardy dreams

Eff you, cat jumping on my head

Hello random thoughts
And the song stuck in my head

Goodnight sorority sisters
Goodnight bachelors

Goodnight to my nightlife

My joke about never co-sleeping was a hilarious one

Goodnight clock that reads 2:01

And goodnight chores I didn't get done

Goodnight sink full of dirty dishes

And goodnight clothes molding in the washing machine. Shit.

Goodbye personal space
And goodbye patience

Goodnight everyone in the world, except of course me

Hello brain

And hello to over analyzing everything

Goodbye hopes

Goodbye dreams

Cheers to moms everywhere not getting any sleep.

THE END!

I hope you enjoyed my rendition of Goodnight Moon and got a few chuckles in. Raise your hand if you find this illustration a bit unsettling:

Go away, Grandma, you're making everyone at my sleepover feel uncomfortable.