If Moms Were Given Medals

I had the privilege to be raised a "Navy brat" by the most badass old-school sailor ever and I can remember admiring all of the ribbons on my dad's uniform.

Besides having immense pride for our military, my father also instilled in me a great sense of humor and my most favoritest feature, the exquisite ability to cuss like a sailor.

After finally winning the nightly War On Bedtime with my tiny terror, I began to wonder, what types of awards would mothers get?

By no means am I comparing mothers to soldiers. I mean, we have it rough sometimes but c'mon now.

Take a look below, see which ribbons you would be awarded, print them out if you wish and tape them onto your shirt (not that I did that...shit, one of them is stuck to the cat...). Happy laughing, ladies ;)

 Medal Of Keeping Your Cool

 Honorable Discharge Of A Tiny Person

Pregnancy Campaign Medal

 Silver Vagina Of Childbirth Medal

Infant Campaign Medal

Toddler Campaign Medal

Poo-ple Heart

Pee-ple Heart

 Mama Bear Action Medal 

Spit-Up Defense Medal

Expert Mac 'n' Cheese Maker Medal

Expert Chicken Nugget Orderer Ribbon

Tantrum Liberation Medal

Weird Things Have Exited My Hoo-Ha Lapel Pin

Chewed Nipple Medal

Swaddle Achievement Medal

Prisoner Of Tiny Human Medal

Putting Shoes On Flailing Child Victory Medal

War On A Tiny Terror Service Medal

Outstanding Peek-A-Boo Skills Medal

Bedtime Battle Participation Ribbon

Cold War Timeout Shriek & Stare Down Medal

Repeat Cartoon/Movie Watching Participation Medal