WTF Guide To The 2016 Pottery Barn Kids Holiday Catalog

If you haven’t read the 2016 Hater’s Guide to theWilliams-Sonoma Catalog, you’re missing out. After cackling over this year’s article, I wanted to write my own version for parents.

As parents, we run into some obnoxiously priced and unnecessary gear for kids. Before our children are even born, we get slammed with ridiculous lists of newborn “essentials.” For once in my life, I sought out a place that sold expensive kids products. That’s when I came across Pottery Barn Kids’ 2016 Holiday catalog for December. And while I do love me some Pottery Barn, some of the products I discovered in their 2016 December catalog were…well, you’ll see.

Here’s a little highlight reel of shit I won’t be buying from Pottery Barn Kids this year or ever. Probably. If anyone wants to gift me some of these, however, now that's another matter.

Momified Parodies Of Your Favorite Christmas Songs

It’s that time of the year again. The smell of gingerbread, cocoa, and peppermint is in the air and everyone’s getting into the Christmas spirit.

For parents, the holidays come with their very own set of challenges. Some got roped into the Elf on the Shelf shit show, some are trying to keep the ruse of Santa alive, Pinterest moms are making the rest of us feel inadequate with all their effing crafts and holiday decor.

Many of us have been teaching our children what the meaning of this holiday is all about through stories and carols. And while we’re trying to make childhoods magical, we’re low key losing our goddamned minds over the pressures that come with the Holiday Season: Christmas shopping, dealing with extended family, our kids insisting on clumping all the ornaments on a single tree branch. Somebody pass me the spiked egg nog, stat.

If you’re in need of some comic relief, I’ve got you covered with a couple momified parodies of some of your favorite X-mas songs.

What Moms Really Want for Christmas

The Holidays are here and spouses are scrambling to figure out what to get their significant others. It’s not like they wouldn’t be in this pickle if they’d just opened their motherfucking ears as we dropped hints throughout the year or anything, but I digress. 

 

Because I’m in a giving mood (no, no, zip your pants up, not that kind of giving. That’s your wish list, not mine), I’ve decided to compile a list of things you could give the woman who obliterated her body to give your offspring life. Totally nbd. But that’s not all, these items all have one thing in common; they won’t cost you a single penny.

Here are 9 totally free things you could give us moms: