As a parent, you have one
job. To have your child on a strict but fun daily schedule that nurtures their
interests, has them waking up and going to bed at the appropriate hour some
stranger on the internet decided was appropriate for their age, make nutritious,
organic, sugar-free meals made with locally grown ingredients, brush their
teeth, do age-appropriate chores, entertain them or fill their day with
activities and extracurriculars like sports or robotics so they can learn
teamwork and practical job skills for the future, monitor their screen time,
encourage growth and independence, protect them without hovering, be a strong,
sound role model who is a pillar of good behavior, kindness, and respect at all
times, teach them to be polite but never a pushover, stay on top of their
homework, never yell or lose your cool, discipline them in a well thought out
way as approved by a panel of child psychologists so as not to traumatize them
for life, and put down your phone so you can be present and available for them
whenever they ask you to watch them sprint from one room to the next for the
eleventeenth time. Super easy, right?
If parental guilt and society’s endless list of expectations
of you as a parent has you pouring a bit o’ whiskey in with your morning
coffee, this one’s for you, homie.
Here are five of the worst parents in history to make you
feel a little better about yourself. Here’s the twist: I give you a lowdown of
their dirty deeds, but you won’t know who the culprit is until the end. Oooh,
intrigue.
